Why aren't you a Trump supporter?

When a reporter declines to join me in the rooftops fantasy I don’t go on stage and gyrate to mock his congenital disability

I don’t believe that Saudi Arabia and Russia “will vedoop bedeep uhhhh”

I don’t believe there is a fucking “president of the Virgin Islands”

Is it just me, or do we all hate Sasuke from Naruto?

I have a reading level above third grade

I see through liars

Fuck that piece of orange shit, fuck his idiocracy, fuck his sexism, fuck his racism, fuck his religionism, fuck his divisionism, fuck his lying, fuck his orange face paint, fuck his worship of Cult of Ignorance, fuck his Cult, fuck his jingoistic horseshit, fuck his manuipulations, fuck his toddler-age WIMPism, fuck his fucked-up values of ME ME ME and did I mention ME, and fuck him personally with a giant razor sharp dildo that’s been preheated to 204.7° F and built to the dimensions of the Washington Monument. Slowly.

Have you ever seen your wife being fucked?

I know the difference between Sioux City and Sioux Falls and even Sioux Center

I understand geography enough to know that Belgium is not a “beautiful city”, that Paris is not in fucking Germany, that India does share a border with China, that that border is peppered with Bhutan and Nepal, not “Button” and “Nipple”, that time zones exist, that “shithole countries” do not, that “England” and “the UK” are not the same thing, that you cannot build a wall in Colorado to keep out New Mexico, and that the Bronx is not and has never been “a very wonderful place in fucking Germany”

I know what Nikki Haley’s authority with the National Guard is

Do you think there will ever be a movie that features a line such as “You graduated at the top of your class in liberal arts, we need your help”?

I respect women and don’t respect those who don’t

I understand historical events enough to know there were no airports in the eighteenth century, that Canada didn’t burn the White House half a century before it existed and that World War Two already happened

It’s uncool to lurk around teenage girls’ dressing rooms

What are some ways to identify and avoid logical fallacies, such as straw man and red herring, in an argument?

Those are a few reasons off the top of my head. How ’bout you?

I can count

I know that sounds DO NOT cause cancer.

Is it ethical for same-sex couples to raise children?

I have complete contempt for fakery

I have complete contempt for traitorism

When I go Greenland shopping and Denmark says no I don’t melt down like a fucking WIMP

What is your most intimate experience with your best friend?

I don’t believe the way to respond to a hurricane is to call a press conference to describe it as “wet from the standpoint of water”, to distribute Play Doh, or to stand at a podium throwing rolls of paper towels as if they were bottles of ketchup

I have no sicko desire to control women or have a bizarro hangup with “blood”

I can read

How can one select funeral songs that truly celebrate the essence of a loved one’s life while providing comfort to attendees?

I don’t respect shameless hucksters who try to sell a vitamin where you have to mail in your pee

If someone works for me, I actually pay them

I don’t call Tim Cook “Tim Apple” and if I do I don’t deny what’s right there on the videotape because I’m too much of a fucking WIMP to handle Reality

We Asked 3 Chefs the Secret to the Best Potato Salad—They All Said the Same Thing - EatingWell

I didn’t get out of military service with fucking “bone spurs” that I paid a doctor to write

I don’t buy bullshit

Let us count the ways. Captain Obvious says:

Why is it called iOS 26? What happened to iOS 19 for iPhone - 9to5Mac

I don’t cotton to rapists

I don’t hide in my hotel room while everybody else keeps the appointed time and place because my hair might get wet

I have an acute aversion to scumbags

What is the most popular song that includes the word "you"? Are there any other songs that use "you" multiple times?

I understand that when you lose an election you step the fuck aside and take it like a man rather than invade the Capitol while your loss is being made official just because you’re a fucking snowflake WIMP

I actually pay taxes

I know that if I or anyone I know commits a crime we’ll go to the clink

Am I the unique Gen Z if I dislike TikTok and prefer the 2000s technology trends like retro consoles, CRTs, and CD/DVDs?

I have complete contempt for intentional stupidity

I respect other cultures and don’t respect those who don’t

I don’t buy made-up stories of “thousands and thousands of people dancing on rooftops”

Would you let your son wear leggings to school?

I don’t respect a sleazeball who lies about his height just so he can lie about his weight

I took the same Oath and took it seriously

I know the difference between “give me your tired, your poor” and “they’re poisoning our blood”

How should I go about convincing my mother that my foreign online boyfriend isn't out to get my holes or scam me?

I don’t believe Nazis, Klan klowns and white supremacists chanting “Jews will not replace us” comprise “very fine people”

I don’t run and hide from a debate like a fucking WIMP just becuase some moderator asked pointed questions

A real man doesn’t grab women by the p***y

I don’t believe in asking the people of Iowa “how stupid are the people of Iowa”

I know who the president of Turkey really is

I know the difference between “George Bush” and “Jeb Bush”

I know that he didn’t run against “Obamna”

I’ve never tried to pretend the word would means wouldn’t

I know there’s no such thing as invisible planes

I don’t pretend not to know who David Dooky is just because he can deliver votes

I understand that you can’t inject bleach or light

EVEN FUCKING MIKE PENCE understands that

authoritarians can get down on the floor and bite my ass, yesterday

I don’t hold serial bankrupters in high regard

It’s uncool to set up soft porn pics with your own preteen daughter

I have complete contempt for fraudsters, and even less for repeat ones

I understand how hurricane paths work

I understand that you can’t just fucking nuke a hurricane

I don’t watch or listen to advertising